Wednesday, January 4, 2012

new chapter

This post is quite personal and I'm just trying to lay things out and get things off my chest. I'm hoping it will help me.

I've been really down in the dumps lately and I can't seem to get out of this slump. It seemed to start after Thanksgiving when I was still in school, finals approaching.

The last semester of my "college life" had really been the worst of them all. I'm not sure if it was because of the particular classes I was taking or because it just was my last semester and I couldn't wait to be done. I was really ready to be done, but the assignments were not done and I still needed to finish them.

I also have felt anxiety about finishing up school and finding a job, starting my own business or something else, so that probably had a lot to do with it...because FYI--I haven't had a job in almost 7 1/2 years. I was able to settle in with my classes and knew what to expect with my requirements and I really got comfortable with it, but now I have to change and focus on my future and what opportunities are out there are for me.

Throughout the last 3 1/2 years of school I really tried to be successful and be a better student than I was the first time around (right after high school) when I didn't have goals or even cared about grades. But this time I did have goals and I was able to reach them with 4.0 GPA's each and every semester! Great, right?...whatever. People seem to think it's great and I should be happy and proud of myself but why don't I feel this way?

So, I survived my last weeks of finals but with a few extra gray hairs and a lot of tears. I should be glad it's over but I don't really feel that way at all. As I'm typing this the thought came to me that maybe it's a normal feeling--being depressed about the changes. Maybe other people have felt this way too? Or maybe just the overly sensitive-and-insecure-stay-at-home-moms-who-go-back-to-school-to-find-themselves-and-didn't-actually-find-themselves kind of people. (aka: me)

Don't go feeling sorry for me (if you have). Feel sorry for my husband and my kids who have been there for me and supported me through this "nightmare". They are the ones who should have left me and gone on with their lives. But they didn't, they are still here and still love me. I couldn't go a day without them. They are amazing. My husband is amazing and I am so lucky to have him. Anyone else would have been g.o.n.e. LOVE U NATE.

Now that it's a new year, I'm trying something new to try to lift my spirits. I went out today and bought a cute little pink leather journal and I hope to write in it every night. I want to write not of my day but of little things that make me happy and little things I'm thankful for.

because those are the things that really matter.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

it never fails, she makes me laugh

Just had to share these few with the blog...Lydia cannot keep a straight face, not that I'd want her to

and C...without any front teeth!

Monday, January 3, 2011

December Favorites

Sorry I haven't posted here in ages. Here are some of my favorites from December with Christmas and Lydia's Birthday

This was Cassidy's first school program. She is the one near the middle above the piano with the blue and black dress.

We had lots of snow last month and during a blizzard we got some really good snow for making snowmen, here was our family of snowmen, but now they have melted some and are in shambles.

Christmas morning the girls had fun opening their gifts

We gave them dolls and made doll beds for each with their own special bedding and outfits with help from grandma!

For Lydia's 3rd Birthday we celebrated by going to House of Bounce and saw the movie Tangled!

For Lydia's party we took everyone out for pizza and bowling!

She tried so hard to blow out those candles and finally let all of her friends (cousins) help her out!
Grandma makes quilts for all of the grandkids. Lydia's turned out so cute! I can't wait to re-do her room to match!

Well, my winter break is almost over. I thought I had 2 more weeks, but unfortunately I got an email this morning giving me the news that classes start next monday :( It felt like it went by fast and it didn't help that I had the flu for part of the week before Christmas so I was ripped off a bit. Back to reality I guess!


Saturday, October 16, 2010

I lost my motivation

This post is a bit of a rant, vent of frustration, something I have to get off my chest. I've got some issues with people, professors, fellow students...etc, etc, basically everyone and that includes myself. First, this fall has been stressful to say the least. I've been pulled every direction from everywhere and can't seem to say no to anyone. Well, I should clarify: I'm starting to say no to people and it feels very liberating!
I've got a hefty school schedule this fall, although it's *only* 9 credits the classes are not easy: Chemistry, Art History and Computer Graphics II. I just feel like the amount of stuff to know and remember is unrealistic. I've had 2 tests already in chem, and will be taking my 2nd test in AH next week. It's probably because I'm getting old, but I don't care, it's an amazing amount of stuff to know.
Moving on...I've been asked to take pictures for our church directory this fall, a very fulfilling job that I am glad I was asked to do. What a wonderful thing it is to be able to combine a hobby/passion with giving and serving! We'll be wrapping that project up hopefully soon.
Along with church pictures people have been finding out that I like to take pictures and I've been asked to take 2 seniors this fall and with a family sometime soon. An interesting direction that may be part of my future, but who knows.
So with all of the extra stuff, along with so much more that I haven't mentioned and won't, plus school, I'm feeling a little burdened, stressed, maxed out. In addition to that I've lost motivation for the things that are important like homework, housework, meals, and most importantly family. I need a kick in the pants to get excited about school again. I think that is the problem. If I just get excited again that would make everything else easier. Without the motivation I just want to veg out and do the least amount of stuff to get by.
The end is near though. I have 2 more semesters left and then I will be done! I'll graduate next December with 3 degrees! So maybe I just need to remember that it won't be long and the original reason why I'm going back to school; to better myself and most importantly: my family.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Last day of Preschool

Her last day of school was monday. And a hot and humid day it was! When I picked her up from school she was all hot and sweaty, yuk! They must not have turned the air on at school.
It's funny to think back to last september when she started school to now and see such an improvement in socializing, skills, artistically, and maturity. Lately she's been talking about a certain boy a lot. I don't know him or the family, but she likes him a lot. I asked if he was her boyfriend, she said "yes, but he's not Lindsay's boyfriend." Okay...I'll just let it go.
I had to take a picture of her on the last day, hopefully making that a tradition through the years:

And Miss Lydia had to get in there and pose too. It's impossible to keep a straight face with this kid.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Visiting Santa

We visited Santa at John Deere earlier this month.
It was really great this year, no screaming, crying or protesting!

Lydia only cared about her treat
The tractor ride was a big hit, again, no protesting-a first!

Saturday, November 7, 2009


Cassidy felt the need to make a picture for her daddy since he is hunting this weekend. She said she was going to miss him and he needed a picture of a deer and this is what she came up with. I love the little smiley face and the big red heart above him!