new chapter

This post is quite personal and I'm just trying to lay things out and get things off my chest. I'm hoping it will help me.


I've been really down in the dumps lately and I can't seem to get out of this slump. It seemed to start after Thanksgiving when I was still in school, finals approaching.

The last semester of my "college life" had really been the worst of them all. I'm not sure if it was because of the particular classes I was taking or because it just was my last semester and I couldn't wait to be done. I was really ready to be done, but the assignments were not done and I still needed to finish them.

I also have felt anxiety about finishing up school and finding a job, starting my own business or something else, so that probably had a lot to do with it...because FYI--I haven't had a job in almost 7 1/2 years. I was able to settle in with my classes and knew what to expect with my requirements and I really got comfortable with it, but now I have to change and focus on my future and what opportunities are out there are for me.

Throughout the last 3 1/2 years of school I really tried to be successful and be a better student than I was the first time around (right after high school) when I didn't have goals or even cared about grades. But this time I did have goals and I was able to reach them with 4.0 GPA's each and every semester! Great, right?...whatever. People seem to think it's great and I should be happy and proud of myself but why don't I feel this way?

So, I survived my last weeks of finals but with a few extra gray hairs and a lot of tears. I should be glad it's over but I don't really feel that way at all. As I'm typing this the thought came to me that maybe it's a normal feeling--being depressed about the changes. Maybe other people have felt this way too? Or maybe just the overly sensitive-and-insecure-stay-at-home-moms-who-go-back-to-school-to-find-themselves-and-didn't-actually-find-themselves kind of people. (aka: me)

Don't go feeling sorry for me (if you have). Feel sorry for my husband and my kids who have been there for me and supported me through this "nightmare". They are the ones who should have left me and gone on with their lives. But they didn't, they are still here and still love me. I couldn't go a day without them. They are amazing. My husband is amazing and I am so lucky to have him. Anyone else would have been g.o.n.e. LOVE U NATE.

Now that it's a new year, I'm trying something new to try to lift my spirits. I went out today and bought a cute little pink leather journal and I hope to write in it every night. I want to write not of my day but of little things that make me happy and little things I'm thankful for.

because those are the things that really matter.

it never fails, she makes me laugh

Just had to share these few with the blog...Lydia cannot keep a straight face, not that I'd want her to



and C...without any front teeth!

December Favorites

Sorry I haven't posted here in ages. Here are some of my favorites from December with Christmas and Lydia's Birthday

This was Cassidy's first school program. She is the one near the middle above the piano with the blue and black dress.

We had lots of snow last month and during a blizzard we got some really good snow for making snowmen, here was our family of snowmen, but now they have melted some and are in shambles.

Christmas morning the girls had fun opening their gifts

We gave them dolls and made doll beds for each with their own special bedding and outfits with help from grandma!

For Lydia's 3rd Birthday we celebrated by going to House of Bounce and saw the movie Tangled!

For Lydia's party we took everyone out for pizza and bowling!

She tried so hard to blow out those candles and finally let all of her friends (cousins) help her out!
Grandma makes quilts for all of the grandkids. Lydia's turned out so cute! I can't wait to re-do her room to match!


Well, my winter break is almost over. I thought I had 2 more weeks, but unfortunately I got an email this morning giving me the news that classes start next monday :( It felt like it went by fast and it didn't help that I had the flu for part of the week before Christmas so I was ripped off a bit. Back to reality I guess!

Sara

I lost my motivation

This post is a bit of a rant, vent of frustration, something I have to get off my chest. I've got some issues with people, professors, fellow students...etc, etc, basically everyone and that includes myself. First, this fall has been stressful to say the least. I've been pulled every direction from everywhere and can't seem to say no to anyone. Well, I should clarify: I'm starting to say no to people and it feels very liberating!
I've got a hefty school schedule this fall, although it's *only* 9 credits the classes are not easy: Chemistry, Art History and Computer Graphics II. I just feel like the amount of stuff to know and remember is unrealistic. I've had 2 tests already in chem, and will be taking my 2nd test in AH next week. It's probably because I'm getting old, but I don't care, it's an amazing amount of stuff to know.
Moving on...I've been asked to take pictures for our church directory this fall, a very fulfilling job that I am glad I was asked to do. What a wonderful thing it is to be able to combine a hobby/passion with giving and serving! We'll be wrapping that project up hopefully soon.
Along with church pictures people have been finding out that I like to take pictures and I've been asked to take 2 seniors this fall and with a family sometime soon. An interesting direction that may be part of my future, but who knows.
So with all of the extra stuff, along with so much more that I haven't mentioned and won't, plus school, I'm feeling a little burdened, stressed, maxed out. In addition to that I've lost motivation for the things that are important like homework, housework, meals, and most importantly family. I need a kick in the pants to get excited about school again. I think that is the problem. If I just get excited again that would make everything else easier. Without the motivation I just want to veg out and do the least amount of stuff to get by.
The end is near though. I have 2 more semesters left and then I will be done! I'll graduate next December with 3 degrees! So maybe I just need to remember that it won't be long and the original reason why I'm going back to school; to better myself and most importantly: my family.

Last day of Preschool

Her last day of school was monday. And a hot and humid day it was! When I picked her up from school she was all hot and sweaty, yuk! They must not have turned the air on at school.
It's funny to think back to last september when she started school to now and see such an improvement in socializing, skills, artistically, and maturity. Lately she's been talking about a certain boy a lot. I don't know him or the family, but she likes him a lot. I asked if he was her boyfriend, she said "yes, but he's not Lindsay's boyfriend." Okay...I'll just let it go.
I had to take a picture of her on the last day, hopefully making that a tradition through the years:

And Miss Lydia had to get in there and pose too. It's impossible to keep a straight face with this kid.

Visiting Santa

We visited Santa at John Deere earlier this month.
It was really great this year, no screaming, crying or protesting!

Lydia only cared about her treat
The tractor ride was a big hit, again, no protesting-a first!

artwork

Cassidy felt the need to make a picture for her daddy since he is hunting this weekend. She said she was going to miss him and he needed a picture of a deer and this is what she came up with. I love the little smiley face and the big red heart above him!

Halloween

We didn't get too excited about Halloween this year. In fact, I only spent $10 on a costume. I wasn't excited about spending a lot when they only wear it a couple hours. I guess you could call me lazy-I didn't feel like "making" something either. Ugh, what's happening to me?
I was pretty lazy with pictures too. It was a little cool and windy so I didn't want them out long and didn't want them to get cranky either. So I took a few and I'm going to try to be happy with the ones I got.

This is the only one where Lydia and Cassie are both looking my direction

Lydia was so dang cute in her kitty. After I put her nose and whiskers on she just stared in the mirror with no emotion. I still don't know if she liked it or hated it.

As usual, Cassie was shy for trick or treating, but once Lydia figured out what the heck was going on, she just went up to people and reached in their bowl of candy. What a go-getter!

It's that time of year again!

The girls enjoyed carving pumpkins this year!

Lydia would sneak a pumpkin seed or two:
Cassidy carved her own design for Lydia's pumpkin.


I carved this bat for Cassie:
They turned out pretty cute!

If you give a kid a camera.....

You end up with lots of pictures. Lots of blurry pictures I might add.
I had to send in my camera to get cleaned two weeks ago and had to dust off my little pocket sized camera. Cassie got her hands on it one evening:
Too bad that was blurry, it was a pretty good smile out of Lydia.

We have lots of pictures of our vehicle now.


Apparently Lydia likes to help feed the dogs!



A self portrait:

and again:


And lots of pictures of the dogs. Here is a sampling:
Oops, wrong end!

about 10 minutes ago:

Me: How was school today?

Cassie: Fun! How was home?

First day of Preschool

She was so excited, as I was too. She has been a little nervous about it, but did just fine this morning. When I picked her up at daycare, she told me she got mail at school and she played with her best friend, Lindsay. Then as we got out of the vehicle at home, I had my bookbag over my shoulder and she had hers and said, "hey! We both went to school today!" Yes we did, girlie, yes we did.

Interview with Cassidy

I've been meaning to do this for a long time. Just some simple Q&A's. Love her simple answers.

What is your favorite color? Bright Pink

What is your favorite story? stories about dogs

Who is your best friend? Lindsay

What is your favorite food? Hot dogs

Who do you like to talk to on the phone? Grandma

What do you want to be when you grow up? a firefighter like daddy

What is your favorite song? Twinkle little star

What is your favorite movie/TV Show? Homeward Bound/Playhouse Disney

What is your favorite thing to do with Lydia? Play with dolls & dogs

What makes you happy? When daddy puts a bandaid on and kisses my owie.

I have a 5 year old??

It doesn't seem real. She. is. five. Five! I look back and wonder how time could have slipped by so fast, but then again, it hasn't. That doesn't make any sense, but it does seem like five years came and went in a blink. And now look at her, all grown up:
This is the dollhouse we gave her for her birthday. Nate started building it from scratch 2 weeks after she was born. We spent every winter working on it and recently furnished it so we could give it to her. She's been playing with it for 2 days straight!
We had her party yesterday. She loves mickey mouse clubhouse and minnie mouse. So, we needed to have a minnie party!

She got lots of great gifts, and she especially loves her Cars movie. She's been asking for it for years. Finally someone got the hint!! LOL!! We've already watched it once today.
I (I mean my mom) made her outfit. We made the skirt slightly large in case we decide to go to disney next year, then it will still fit.

I just sent the birthday girl to bed, she's been a sad and spoiled girl the last two days. Now time to re-program!

Lydia's 1st haircut

Lydia got her hair cut for the first time today. Trish said that in the 10+ years that she's been cutting hair, Lydia is her best 1st haircut client! Lydia sat so still and patient while Trish cut it and then showed her in the mirror. Lydia looked and said "BABY!"

BEFORE:

So shaggy!


AFTER:

Now she looks like a big girl!

Mini Vacation

Two weeks ago we took a little road trip over to South Dakota. We stayed in Sioux Falls 2 days and then went up to see Jill in Brookings on our last day.
Sioux Falls is a very nice town with lots to do. We arrived around lunchtime and went to the zoo.
Lydia liked all of the animals and even liked this camel. Nate wanted to ride on the camel with Cassidy, but she didn't want to get near it.
This was as close to riding anything as she would get!

This peacock was just roaming around hoping someone would feed him!

and we did!

On our second day we started out at the butterfly house. That was pretty fun to see all of the butterflies up close and sometimes they landed on us.

Here's a big moth that landed on my upper arm. It peed on me!

Later we spent the afternoon at the mall and in the evening we went to Falls Park. So pretty!
My little poser, She wanted me to take this picture! Maybe she's getting out of that stage of not wanting a picture taken? I can only hope.
On our last day, we traveled up to Brookings which is about an hour drive from Sioux Falls. It seems to be a nice place for Jill & Eddie. His store looks great and is a fun place to shop.
We went out for lunch and played at the swimming pool then left for home.
Vacationing is tough on 18 month kids. She did not enjoy the 4 1/2 hour drive and neither did we! But we're glad we went!